just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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