yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
