OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Randomize
