I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
