Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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