ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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