Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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