I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
