tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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