Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
The power of my boobs compel you
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
