and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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