Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
