I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Randomize
