found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
