is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
