i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
