Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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