so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
soo... how was my night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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