Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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