in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
A+ Viking dick
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