the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Even my vagina gasped.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
