What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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