and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
