There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You ate ashes out of my bong
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
