So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
