then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
