Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
