to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
