the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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