he wants to bone in the snuggie
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
