Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
