I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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