We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So vagazzling was a success
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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