Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
