What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
