something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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