He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
