i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
