My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
