I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
