thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
