So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
