My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
