If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
