I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
