Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
