i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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