she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just googled if crying burns calories
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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