Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
