You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
