i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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