This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
