it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
