the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
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